New Years Day Double Chocolate Protein Muffins

When the cold light of new years morning leaves you hating the scale and determined to get back on track but you can't shake the memory of your awesome cookies from last night..... Here is the diet friendly version for breakfasts/snacks all week.  You're welcome.

2 ripe/overripe bananas

1 cup natural peanutbutter (can do almond butter or sun butter etc if you are allergic or dislike the taste of pb)

2 eggs

pinch each baking soda and salt

1 cup oats

3 scoops chocolate protein powder

splash vanilla

1/3rd to 1/2 bag semi/dark chocolate chips

Set oven to 350.  Smash bananas, mix in pb and eggs.  Add soda, salt, and vanilla at this point.  Stir in oats and protein powder, then chocolate chips.  Portion into muffin tin and bake for 12-15 mins.  I ended up with 16 muffins at abt 190 cals, 16g carb, 10g fat, 8.5g protein each.  No white sugar, no white four, plenty of chocolate taste, and a good way to use up some protein powder you thought maybe you could stand to just drink (you thought very wrong). 

Peanutbutter Chocolate Protein Comfort Compromise Cookies

So ya..... crazy time of year.  Craving all things I should not eat bc, ofc, stress = junk food cravings. But. I know better, poor nutrition = poor dealing with stress.

Compromise cookies, go. This recipe makes 36 cookie things that come in at abt 175 cals each with 7-8 g protein, 13 net g carbs (11 of which are sugar), and 10g of fat.

15 servings natural (no ingredients besides peanuts and maybe salt) pb (36 tablespoons, or 1 16oz container)
1 bag dark chocolate chips (mine was 19 servings in the bag at 80 cals each, 60% coco)
4 cups instant nonfat milk powder (can use unflavored whey protein for higher protein content, even)
1 cup honey (maple syrup or molasses would work as well)
3 large eggs
1 cup whole milk
1 tsp baking powder
1-2 tsp salt
cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, vanilla to taste

Mix everything - pb honey eggs and milk first, then dried milk powder and flavorings, then chocolate chips.  Bake at 350 for 10-12 mins - I baked it in mini muffin tins to keep cookies from sprawling too much.

Almond Flour Waffles

Perfect for soaking up egg yolks or hanging out under some fried chicken with pork rind breading.

1 cup almond flour 

3 eggs -seperated if you want fluffier waffles, not if you are just hungry and in a rush.

1tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/2 cup water

2 tbl oil or melted butter or bacon fat

If you want really fluffy waffles, beat your egg whites to still peaks. If not, they still taste good. Mix your wet ingredients and whisk in your dry. Carefully fold in egg whites at the end. Super sinple.

Makes 4 servings of 2 waffles each (they freeze well if leftover also). About 350 caloties/serving with 5 net carbs (8, 3 fiber).

Savory Keto Pumpkin Muffins

Yes, I know it is not "pumpkin season" but I opened a can of pumpkin the other day and now I need to use it up. As per my usual contrary nature, these are NOT sweet, and there is NO coconut.

2 tbl chia seeds
5 eggs, seperated
1 cup pumpkin puree
5 oz cream cheese
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
Pumpkin pie spice or your own approximation to taste
1/2 cup macadamia nuts, chopped
1/2 cup almond (not goddamn coconut) flour

Set oven to 350. Grease or line standard muffin tin.

Whisk egg whites to stiff peaks and set aside.

Put everything else except nuts and almond flour into the food processer and pulse until smooth. (Or get cream cheese to roomtemp and beat it by hand if you are a masochist.)

Fold wet ingredients, flour, and nuts into egg whites carefully. Spoon mixture into muffin tin.

Bake for about 30 mins, till set. Makes 12 muffins. 135 cals each, 5g protien, 4g carbs (1.7 net), 10g fat.

Mini-Quiche Meal-Prep

Let's call a spade a spade, these are not muffins. Calling these ready egg breakfasts muffins is a slight to both things. They are closer to crustless quiche, I'm going with that.  Adapt this for whatever bits of veggies you have lying around. Nutrition info is for what I used, ofc.

6 eggs
1 serving bacon, cooked and crumbled
2 tbl sour cream
3 tbl cream
1/4 cup crumbled feta
1/4 cup shreaded cheddar
1 cup broccoli, chopped
1 cup arugula, chopped
Either something to grease your pan, or cupcake liners.

Dead simple. Oven to 350. Mix all the things. Salt/pepper to taste. Grease or line muffin tins. Portion mixture in, remembering they will puff up a bit. (Ie don't make a spillover oven mess like I did.) If using mini muffin tins bake 20 mins, 30ish for normal ones.

You could reheat them in the oven or micro, they are also good cold on a rushed morning.

The whole batch has 875 cals, 57g protein, 14g carbs (10 net) and 64g fat, divide it up by the number of muffins you made.

Keto Pumpkin Pancakes

Too many punpkin pancake recipes are sweet, I didn't want sweet, I wanted savory pumpkin. Also I do not want to make extra to feed an army/freeze...I want a decadant single serving for a nice Sunday breakfast for one hungry person who is trying to low carb.

1/4 cup pumpkin puree

1 oz cream cheese

2 tbl almond flour (or coconut, idk why ppl are over the moon about coconut flour, I am not)

1 egg

Pumpkin pie spice OR your own nutmeg/cinnamon/ginger and clove if you like it (I don't) blend to taste.

Pinch each of salt and baking soda.

Blend everything in a blender (because ain't nobody got time for getting cream cheese room temp and trying to whisk it in the morning). Heat up a pan with a bit of butter. (Or coconut oil if you are a coconut heathen. If you want, use coconut flour AND oil and add some vanilla and nocal sweetner and make this into those sweet things I didn't want, it's your breakfast.) Pour yourself a few pancakes and flip when bubbly.

Serve with 2 eggs and a few strips of bacon, because it's Sunday damnit, you deserve a nice breakfast. Add sugar free syrup if you like, or just dress pancakes with butter and runny egg yolks.

(Including sugested sides, this contains 7 net carbs (10-3 fiber) is about 565 calories and has 20% protein, 7%carb, 73%fat.)

Pumpkin Pie Smoothie

To continue my "it is fall, so I will live on pumpkin flavored things" spree.

1/2 cup pumpkin puree (not pie filling!)
1 1/4 cup milk (I used 1%, whatever you have in the house works)
6oz plain greek yogurt (one of those single serving sized things) (if you are using regular plain yogurt, add more yogurt and less milk to get the same texture)
1-2 tbl wheat germ (this is your crust flavor. Plus vitamins/fiber)
1 tbl maple syrup (or honey, or agave or simple syrup in a pinch.  Granulated sugar/brown sugar is strange texturally in this.)
Pumpkin pie spice (or ginger/nutmeg/cinnamon/clove) to taste
If you are a supplements-in-smoothies type feel free to chuck some in there

Toss in the blender, pour into a cup, and run out the door with a delicious breakfast you can finish on your commute.

Ham and Cheese Waffles

2 cups Bisquik
1 egg
1 1/2 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup cheese (I like very sharp cheddar)
1/2 cup thinly sliced ham, cut up into little bits
Chives and black pepper to taste
2 tbl butter

Heat up your waffle maker.  Sautee the ham shards in butter until they are slightly crisped up.  Mix all the ingredients, being careful not to over mix because you do not want the batter to be tough. Cook according to the directions on your waffle maker.  serve with Summer Slaw. and maybe some fried eggs on top if you are feeling decadent.

Why Do I Buy Bananas? I Never Eat Them. Bread

Once again, I bought a bunch of bananas and once again I forgot to eat them and they are black.  This is especially distressing because I like bananas when they are so unripe they are almost green.... so they really had to sit awhile from their purchase state to get to this.  I need to resort to buying them one at a time as I want to consume them, or something >.>  Anyway, here is my tried and true banana bread recipe, with, of course, a slight twist because I can never leave anything the hell alone.

3-4 ripe bananas
1 stick butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
2-3 tbl white sugar
1 tbl maple syrup
2 eggs
pinch each baking soda and salt
splash of vanilla
liberal sprinkle of cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg
1 1/2 to 2 cups flour
1/4th to 1/2 cup walnut pieces

Preheat your oven to 350 and put away your electric mixer/beater.  You don't need it, promise.  Put the butter into a bowl big enough to mix everything in and nuke it for 30 sec to 1 min, you want it really really soft but not entirely melted.  Get out a loaf pan, dip a paper towel in the butter, and grease your pan.  Add sugars to the butter and mix well with a fork.  Squish the bananas a bit in your hands before you peel them, and dump them into the bowl one at a time, mashing them up a bit with the fork as you go.  They are allowed to have a few bigger chunks, since this recipe uses a bit more banana then some you can get away with some of it being chunks for flavor and not just acting as moisture content.  Next add the vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, maple syrup, salt and baking soda and stir them in well.  Add the eggs one at a time, beating them in with your fork.  Then add the flour.  Start with a cup and a half and if the batter seems too thin add up to an additional half cup.  fold in your walnuts, pour it into your pan and bake 45 mins - 1 hour, until a toothpick comes out clean.  Serve with peanut-butter in place of butter for an awesome breakfast or just be boring and use butter as you see fit. Enjoy!

Best Lazy Breakfast Ever (ie, Baked Eggs)

I've been trying to come up with something easy that would practically cook itself while I get ready for work for awhile, for those mornings when I have time to eat something but only if the prep time is negligible.  Because sometimes you just want a hot breakfast even if you don't have time to sit in the kitchen messing with it.

Constant ingredients:
1-2 eggs
1 tbl milk
1ish cup greens (spinach, arugula, kale, something hearty like that)
Salt and pepper to taste

Various ingredients:
American cheese and a slice or so of crumbled bacon or sausage for a traditional breakfast
Feta, a bit of chopped tomato, and a few chopped black olives for a greek spin on it
Parmesan, panchetta or prosciutto, and some sundried tomato if you're in the mood for italian
Cheddar, tomatoes, salsa and avocado for some latin inspiration
Ham, cheddar, and bell peppers if you wanted a western omelet
You get the idea, a bit of cheese and whatever you have in your fridge that would taste good with that sort of cheese, whatever strikes your fancy.

Preheat the oven to 450. Put the greens into a ramekin or small skillet or other oven safe dish.  Pour in the milk, then crack the eggs into the greens.  Add whatever ingredients you feel like tossing in and season the whole mess with salt and pepper.  Put it into the oven and set a timer for 12-15 (depending on your oven) mins then go work on your morning primping (or, go back to bed if you can be counted on to actually wake up again when the timer goes off and won't be risking burning down your home by falling back dead asleep).  When the timer goes off your eggs should be done, check that the whites are set (the yolks should still be a bit runny and gooey.  If you like your eggs hard cooked you can add another 3-5 mins to the timer).  Add some toast or crackers if you need a starch with your breakfast and enjoy.